I’d wear a suit

television watchingHurry it’s on!  You have to piss, you have to eat.  You’re in the bathroom, you’re in the kitchen.  Haven’t you any sense of time?  The beginning is most important.  You’re missing a segment—it’s new, it’s exciting.  Why don’t we move the television into the bedroom then?  You’re never where I need you to be.  I had an emergency, you’re outside praying.  Why don’t you pray, pray, pray your life away?  Look at the anchor.  Isn’t her dress pretty.  But she’s old, without her make-up, her face is covered with wrinkles.  I can’t even look at her.  Who is the newsman, with the long last name?  Tiny man, foreigner, his name has so many syllables.  Ha, how the female towers over him.  There’s nothing more unpleasant to my eye than a little man.  You’re writing.  Why are you writing?  Can’t you do it another time?  Where’s that book you spoke of?  Where is it?  Look, here’s a grocery list I put together, I’m a writer!  Full of shit, that’s what you are.  Oh, it’s the new weather girl.  Isn’t she pretty?  But I can’t stand the way women dress these days.  Sticks exposed, bend over and you can see her underwear!  The way she’s standing in her heels, they’re all learning to stand that way.  There should be a law to prohibit cleavage.  Women should be required to cover their arms.  If I were on television—ooh, it’s the lesbian.  She has a wife.  Her wife is pregnant—whose belly holds the baby?  Doesn’t she look like a man?  Unreasonably tall, shoulders so broad, hands so big, a woman who looks like that.  Stop writing, you’re always writing, it’s national news!  What—it’s got nothing to do with interest, it has to be watched.  Would you vote for him?  No, you’re right, he’s so old.  Maybe ten years ago.  What about her?  She’s so old, look how thick her waist and hips and thighs are.  But she dresses appropriately.  If I were on television, I’d wear a—hey, the weather girl had straight hair yesterday but she has curly hair today!  Well—it’s wrong.  She may be pregnant, her breasts are grotesquely large.  Do you think she’s white?  She’s not too dark.  What about him—I wish he’d suck in his belly.  His shoulders are hunched from age.  You’re not watching!


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